Help Her Believe

On Sunday, I went by a RedBox** Kiosk and chose a few movies. I picked movies that just seemed to interest me. The first movie was Blue Crush 2, a movie about young girls surfing. Little did I know that the movie would mirror Caragan's life. The young girl, around 18, had lost her Mom to cancer at age 5. Caragan and I cried watching it together as the girl went to her Mom's homeland to visit all the best surfing beaches her Mom wanted to take her to as she was growing up. Her Mom passed away before they got to visit them together. As destiny (because you would never make me believe otherwise) would have it, the second movie was Mao's Last Dance. The Chinese boy was chosen to goto to dance school. WoW! Caragan was also chosen from her orphanage to goto dance school too. The little boy hated it and would cry himself to sleep. Caragan hated dance school too and even ran away at one point. That last point is really scary to me, and a whole other blog in itself. YIKES!! SCARY!! SCARY!! The boy grows up and comes to America to dance, struggles with knowing English and learning western ways. The movies was a big reminder of where we have been together and how far we have come in the last two years (almost).

This beautiful young daughter of mine has already 'lived' more in her short life than many of us will ever live in our whole lives. She was reminded of her biological parents loss with the death of her great grandmother recently. As she broke down at the graveside...although I know she loved her grandmother so much...I knew that as she sobbed against her Uncle Rob that she was grieving her bio MOM and DAD's deaths as well. She has a support system now, which helps her tremendously to work through it. We had many opportunities to talk about the deaths of her bio parents through the funeral process. I was so proud of Caragan as she took charge and asked to paint MaMa Ber's fingernails. She proudly announced...'that's my job'. She is such a perfectionist, we knew she'd do it well. She did too!! How many young girls would touch a dead person or even want to do such a last gesture for a Grandmother that she only knew a short time? MaMa Ber loved her like she did us all, of course. My DAUGHTER did that, and I couldn't think of any way she could honor her memory better. I hope she will always have such a heart for other's. This child of mine is such an amazing, compassionate soul. She is hard on herself and I strive to help her see all the good in herself.

Lately, we are bogged down in her high school studies...and honestly she doesn't know how she will make it. She is very sure she will not pass her year end test to pass her grade. She is a wiz in Math, but struggles in studying because she never HAD to do homework or study in China. I can't help but think that's because girls' education isn't valued at all there. We are trying hard to help her develop good study habits. When I say hard, I mean she and her Daddy are spending hours upon hours in the evenings to do one subject lots of times...so that she can begin to grasp all the English she needs to learn the material. Sometimes all those efforts still means she doesn't make the mark. It's really disheartening to her to try so hard, spend so much time in preparation and to still not do well. Of course, her Dad and I believe in her and KNOW that if the material was in Chinese, she would pass the tests with ease. That's not exactly an option though. We are exploring some options, ways to translate in the classroom and also textbooks in Chinese. We will do whatever it takes to help our daughter succeed and goto college. Getting her to believe in herself and remember how very far she's already come is another story altogether. I wouldn't be as far along if you had sent me to China...I can assure you.

Lions and Tigers and BULLieS, O MY!

Some might think encounters with Bullies is just a matter of LIFE. I try to stress to my kids that it's never okay to hurt another person, much less with just plain malicious intent for no apparent reason. I want to raise empathetic kids that don't prey on others to build themselves up. That's my job as a parent to make them realize they always need to be self aware and do their own internal checks before they go analyzing others.

Caragan started High School last week. She was nervous...new school...AGAIN...still dealing with a language barrier. Her English is GOOD. I say this with great pride because I know that if I had been handed her same fate and been placed with a family in China...to learn a new language, totally submersed without a constant translator...I wouldn't be where she is today. Just Saying!! She has done phenomenally. She reads on about a 4th grade level, has completed three levels of Rosetta Stone. She is expected to do College Preparatory work on a 9th grade level. Her PARENTS....yep that's ME and Lance...have high expectations of all our kids when it comes to academics. We try to make them realize that college isn't really optional. Shhhh!! don't tell please. LOL We often tell them, we give you minimal chores to do daily because it's your job to goto school so that you might get a good education. A good education will hopefully help them get the jobs they need to have financial stability in the future. Of course, we want them all to have Good Lives. However, Caragan's task will be harder than all the others. Logan, Christian and KateLin all had the advantage of English as their primary language and they will struggle in different areas of academics, granted...but My Caragan will struggle with everything except Math. The number system is exactly the same as China. Even in Math though, she still has to know how to read the English to do word problems. I braced Caragan for the task ahead of her. I kept telling her that we support her, continue to pay for her to have 3 hours of tutoring a week, but the thing we needed from her was communication when she needed HELP. Guess what?? For a child that wasn't born of my womb, she couldn't be more like me. She has a really, really, really HARD TIME asking for help. It doesn't matter how many times I say it....how many times I offer my hand...she has a rough time reaching back for it. That's a problem...because there's no way that she can do this alone. I don't want her to have to do this alone. What's the point in having a family at all if that's not your primary support system? Just saying.

I gave her the speech before school started about asking for help when she needed it. I told her how important it will be for her to get good grades because now they actually count for college. I told her that no matter what, as long as we know she did her best that we wouldn't punish her for bad grades. We want to be fair. HOWEVER, the moment we KNEW she wasn't doing her best, she would be punished with restriction etc as customary for disciplining any of our kids. We have already had issues with her not asking for help, failing a test, and it was one we know she could have studied for and made a 100. Now, it's time for some creative parenting. Did I mention that she has the LaZy gene? Now that she didn't get from her over achiever Moma. LOL. She will admit she is lazy. Of course, any kid is gonna test you and do as little as possible when it comes to school work or chores. She is no different. The positive side of that is she is comfortable enough in her environment at home to know that she can test it. That isn't a bad thing. That alone means she is attached and settled.

My point is that we are dealing with alot here. A new school, new challenges, still learning English and trying to get her on grade level in Reading and Writing. Now let's add a social pressure of some punk kid moving books several times in a day...to be ugly and arguing with her when she returns the favor. This Moma ain't standing for it. Luckily Caragan wasn't either and defended herself. The situation has dissipated...for the time being anyways. Bullying is one of my pet peeves. I was bullied on the school bus as a small child...it leaves an impression. I won't stand for my kids bullying and I will not stand for another child bullying my child. Parents should spend enough time with their kids to cultivate children that are empathetic and conscientious about other's enough to respect themselves and those they encounter.

Needless to say we have had a stressful start to the school year. The kids are settling in well to the back to school routine. Summer is over and hustle and bustle of homework and studying is back on our plates. Logan is my seventh grader, and like always moves through academics with ease. Caragan says he's not normal. LOL He is a lil crazy sometimes. Those two have definitely been closer this summer. Logan started chasing the scent of the ladies...so now he and Caragan suddenly can relate. HA! When asked about trading brothers with a friend recently...joking of course, but still....she said NO!! I wanna keep them. I thought that spoke volumes for her attachment to them. I had the opportunity to let her know that all three of her siblings prayed for her nightly while waiting for her to come home when she was still in China. They very much wanted a sister. Not every family is suited for adopting an older child or even children out of birth order....I know this. But it has worked and continues to work for our family. I can see God's Sovereignty at every turn. It's overwhelming sometimes actually, seeing his hand in this whole process. WE saw it in China...but we still see it in the little things day to day. This girl that our agency called HOPE was perfectly paired with our family.

I can remember my lack of Faith at the beginning of this process. I asked God repeatedly, are you sure that you have designed me for this purpose?? I wasn't so certain that I could pull it off. It truly only takes a lil Faith (the size of a mustard seed, actually) to believe that it can and will happen just like it's supposed to. More and more I get a glimpse of God's perfect plan and realize that i really only see the little stuff. He knows the greater purpose and the plan. It brings me comfort and maybe even fuels my Faith, because I have been blessed enough to actually be able to SEE Him at work. My prayer for other's is that you might experience this same type of journey. I honestly never thought that I could be changed so much by the Miracle of Adoption. It truly is a MIRACLE. Lucky me, I get to check...Experience a Miracle ...off my bucket list. Blessed me, I got to experience TWO!!

My KATE

Yang ZhiJun...born 07/07/2005 ...to be KateLin Hope Zhi Wallace. Hmmmm! My Kate...she's almost six years old and it's been four years since we caught our first glimpse of WOMAN as she has been known to call herself. I actually thought she had the most gorgeous lips when i first saw her. I had flashbacks of that first sight of her photos online that day late in June the other day when she wanted to wear some of my lipstick. We had waited so long to receive her referral and through many twists in turns...she was right there before us in photos online. This lil girl has transformed before our very eyes into the most outgoing, fun loving lil person you can imagine. She loves to sing and dance and draw. A far cry mind you from coaxing her first smiles out of her those first 24 hours in China. She was withdrawn, still wobbling when walking at 2 years old...and definitely an introvert. NOT ANYMORE!! She got Cheerleader of the day at Cheer Camp this year. She has started being giving and compassionate too. KateLin will go to get candy, which she has always loved and offer it to others before indulging herself. Her hair is long (we waited a long time for that)...and her birthmark only a slight blue still on her left cheek. She is tall and skinny and has the longest fingers. This lil girl has brought so much joy to my life. I am so thankful that God took me all the way around the world for her. I call her my Kate for short...also because her personality is just like her Aunt Kadee, her namesake. The past 3.5 years have gone by in a blur, but it's been a happy chaos. She is my Girly Girl that loves dresses and painting her nails, wearing makeup and is a clothes fanatic. I hope she has an AMAZING sixth birthday next week. :)

Growing Pains?!

Experiencing growing pains around our house lately. The kind where teenage angst and attitudes are flying left and right. UGH! I think Caragan is definitely out of the honeymoon phase of settling into her new family. I think she is comfortable enough to buck the 'wallace system' of dictatorship. LOL. We have had some rough moments that aren't exactly the norm for our day to day routine. Not sure, why it's all happening now, in particular...but it's happening all the same. She can't tell me why either. She knows we love her and that being part of a family means you take care of one another even when we may not like your attitude of the day. I tell her, we do whatever we have to to move through the good and the bad. There's no condition on our love for her, ever. We love her even when she's copping an attitude, even though we might not like her ways too much. Those are growing pains, to me anyways.

School is ending and with that changes in routine and also a lil nervousness about leaving what she has adjusted to since home from China, a year and a half ago. Caragan rounded out the year with all A's and B's and her 8th grade graduation is tonight. She begins High School in the fall, where the grades begin to count for college entry. We have made our kids believe that college isn't optional...so we are pushing her to learn more vocabulary and become more proficient in writing and reading especially. I had offered her an incentive to complete her Rosetta Stone level 3 by the end of the school year. She hasn't met the goal, though. We got a tutor that she spends a few hours with a week to enhance her writing and reading skills. She is reading on about a fourth grade level in English, so we still have a ways to go. She is not really excited about High School at all. That is worrying me a lil. I know she will love it, when she gets used to it.

KateLin, my sweet China Doll, just graduated from Kindergarten. She is reading already. Wooohooo! So proud of her. She was definitely meant to be my baby because she requires lots of attention. She is swimming like a fish in the pool...and also has recently took on learning to ride her bike. She can still be a timid lil somebody...and when she is, I have flashbacks of my withdraw lil girl while we were still in China. Mind you, that only lasts for short moments. She is very much outgoing when it comes to what she will tackle and wants to constantly be on the go. She's been home for 3.5 years...WOW...has it truly been that long?? Time flies when you have four to keep you busy. My lil Yangzhou Princess has come a long...long way.

Logan is a rising 7th grader and as tall as I am. Man!! That kid needs to slow down. He is growing steadily...and his voice is changing too. He got about several awards on Awards Day at school for highest English average, one of the top AR points in Reading (565), Spelling Bee Top 3, all A's the entire year...! So very proud of my big boy. Hard to imagine that he's almost a teenager. I watch him with KateLin and realize daily that he and she will always be close. He looks out for her, and does it well. I think having a lil Sister has definitely stretched his character a great deal. He is my witty young man...does have a crazy bone like his Mom.

Christian will be a 4th grader. I was so proud that he has made all A's and B's, for the entire year. Honestly though, he would rather be helping somebody. This child has a compassionate side a mile wide. He is growing fast too, but not quiet at the rate his brother is though. Thank goodness, cause I can't keep them in clothes. LOL. He just learned to dive in the swimming pool. He is getting really good at his RipStick too. That is a type of two wheeled skateboard that we discovered while in China. Some kids were using them in the park in Guangzhou. It takes a great deal of balance. He keeps practicing. Still loves his pups to death too. This child is also my animal lover.

My life is definitely never dull at all. These four keep me busy. I love it...but Whew!! it wears me out mentally sometimes keeping up with all. I wouldn't change it for the world though.

Just Breathe ~! Ahhhhhh!

I think the hardest part of the human psyche is training ourselves to think about all the positive in our lives instead of all the negative we have had to endure. I haven't had a bad life....I know this, so maybe I can't really say how I'd feel if I had had to deal with lots of tragic loss of life, or even property. I do know that thinking positive is a choice. We can change our attitude by a simple...I am gonna make myself believe that there is good in every bad situation. Like it or not, our experiences mold us. They change us...sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse. Growth isn't really optional...it just happens. If I think about the good changes rather than the bad, suddenly a bad situation doesn't cause me to have a bad day, week or ever year. I can be happy even if it's only a lil happiness amongst the pain.

I'm really frustrated today. I have had a bad day, so blogging is like therapy for me. I don't get it!! People that think about and dwell on all the bad day in and day out. They forget to breathe...yeah simply take a deep breathe and remember that breathe alone was a blessing because the other option would be for me to be dead. I am a girl with her glass half full, not half empty. I force myself to find happiness in the bleakest of situations. I want to be remembered as being fun, happy, being full of laughter and knowing how to have a good time thru my hard times. Negativity won't allow for that, it robs us of our sunshine. UGH!! My life without sunshine, wouldn't be much of a life to me. My quality of life is directly proportional to my sunshine. HA! It would be dull without the sunshine. I choose sunshine over the darkness anytime. I will look for the light when I am in the darkness...it's there always (the silver lining), I just have to choose to look for it. Sometimes I will have to look harder and really search for it.

I'm gonna take a deeeeeep breath and remember and feel the SUNSHINE. Tomorrow is a new day with great possibilities...but today isn't over yet either. :)

Simply Loved

It's Mother's Day! I feel like I have been given the greatest four gifts on earth, of course...as most Mother's do feel that way about their babies. I guess most would also think, I was given two different types of blessings because I have adopted twice. Ya see, one other Moma had to give up her baby so that I could be blessed with my KateLin. With Caragan, her Moma died of eye cancer and she lost her life so that I might have her precious daughter. These two blessings weren't born of my womb, but of my heart. To me, although they came to live in my love in a different fashion, they are no less my very own. My sons are flesh of my flesh. I tell each of them that my love grew from Logan. He taught me about what it was like to care for and love another human being, because I loved him so much, I wanted to love another...my Christian. Because I was blessed times two with boys, I wanted a precious little girl. KateLin's orphanage visit yielded yet another blessing that took us back to China for our Caragan. I watch them and I am amaZed at the blessings that have been poured out upon me. I see how each of them act silly and crazy, like me...truly love life and laughter. I giggled as KateLin playing air guitar during praise and worship this morning at church and as she sang into her sucker microphone. This is my child...she knows how to have fun and I hope she will always have that zest for a very happy, happy life.

Yesterday, I took my two oldest, Logan and Caragan to the movies and shopping at the mall. We watched Prom, although not without resistance from Logan. LOL. At the end of the movie, Logan announced loudly, I am sooo glad that that torture is over. The girls in front of us, just kackled at my crazy boy that really has my sense of humor. Caragan and I had a few moments yesterday where I had the opportunity to remind her that I was so glad that she wanted to be adopted, even though she had biological family still in China. I reminded her that she is loved unconditionally and that I am so blessed to have her in my life. The radio was talking about Mother's Day and what spawned the conversation was that they asked how much you loved your Moma....she said "LOTs". I smiled with tears in my eyes. Christian lavished me with an early gift that he bought all on his own last week at the Relay for Life event. He bought me a vase of flowers. He is my thoughtful child. They all are, but this child has such compassion and such a heart for other's that his sweetness really amazes me. All these little things, make me feel...to put it simply...loved. I am a better person, because these four kiddos are in my life...that I am allowed to love them, and raise them.

As they woke me up this morning and crowded in my bedroom and spent ten priceless minutes with me...I kept thinking...can I freeze this moment? Can I hold it in my head even though I know it's fleeting? I kissed them all, opened my presents.....but the greatest gift of all was just having them close, healthy, at home and that I felt their love. I got some cool cards and presents, some store bought and some homemade....the most precious gift I have ever been given though were these four little souls that I get to adore, love and cherish...all my life.

I can't post this without mentioning the lady that made all this happen...My MOMMY! She was the one that loved me and showed me how. She was the perfect example of compassion, kindness, caring...and affection. She blessed me by loving me selflessly and unconditionally. I love me some ELAINE RHYNE. :)

Should've Been Mine

Little things tell me that Caragan finally feels at home with her life here with us. I think the bonding and attachment is complete. Some people in the adoption community will tell you with older child adoption that sometimes bonding never fully happens and attachment is never complete. I can say for sure, she loves us, we love her...and we all benefit from our family unit. She is thriving, she trusts, which is HUGE ..in and of, itself. Caragan knows we will take care of her needs and most of her wants. She is spoiled, and I think she even realizes how fortunate she is to have lots of the things she wants. I never expected her to appreciate us...but I think she does. The way I know, you might ask? I know because a few days ago, she said, Moma...I should have been your's since birth. She made my heart soar. This beautiful young lady is so much like me, it is very apparent that she was meant to be mine. She loves music, is full of happiness, likes lots of the same foods as I do, loves her hair, she is silly and fun...and the list goes on. She even gets quiet when she isn't feelin the best or is down about something. Yep, I can admit it...she has some of my ODD qualities as well. She is quick to help other's.

Truth is that, she should've been mine from the beginning...but that's not the plan that God had for her life. I told her so when she said that to me. I told her, all the hard times she had to endure in China, made her who she is today. I don't know why she had to lose her parents in death, but God had a much bigger plan for her life. I told her it might have been to help another child, teenager or an adult get through what she has had to endure. You never know how He will use you in someone else's life. I do wish I could have sheltered her from all the bad things. It brings tears to my eyes to know she lost both parents by age 12. She still talks to her Aunt often and we are getting a care package together to send to her soon also. I want to make her a photobook for her to keep of Caragan. I am very thankful that she still has relatives in China. We consider her Aunt, part of our family as well.

I haven't blogged in a while. Tsk! Tsk!! Life gets busy and I just don't take the time to record it all. I need to do better...I know!

SomeOne to Look out for YOU

Many nights as I waited for my girls to come home from China, I would sit and ponder if they were cold, hungry, and even worse being exploited in any number of ways. I felt less at ease with KateLin because I knew she was still really young. She had no voice to speak for herself, no way to even 'find' food should she be hungry, or ways to seek a blanket for warmth. I will NEVER know, of course if she was harmed or cold, or hungry. I probably am better off not knowing, actually, because I believe that she wasn't cared for the way I would have cared for during that time had she been with me anyway...the other stuff would be too hard for me to hear. How could she be taken care of like I would have cared for her with a ratio of 12 to one?

I have been questioning Caragan over the last week about different aspects of her life in China. She had begun to mention different things to prompt this but also another Mom that adopted questioned several things one of her son's mentioned to her. I specifically asked Caragan and how she was punished while she resided in the orphanage. She said one time that she was placed in a room, and as she described it, I actually got sick on my stomach. She was put in a room with no furniture....no bed, no chairs etc. The room had padded walls and no windows. It was an empty room. The door had a small window. The pads on the walls were blue. The way she described it, seemed alot like a solitary confinement room to me. She was being punished for listening to a little radio she had purchased during school. She wasn't caught listening to the radio, a friend told on her. She was placed in the room for two hours. Seemed like a rather harsh punishment to me for a young teenager. She told me it was hard to be 'good' in China. That she was considered a bad girl. I asked her what she did that made her 'bad'. I asked did she fight, or lie, or cheat or steal. She said NO!! nothing like that. I asked her if she thought that they considered her bad because they expected her to be perfect at any and everything. She said Yes. I told her that was a high expectation to have to live up to. I told her it was impossible. I told her that we believe in tolerance. Making mistakes is how we learn and grow and become better people. I told her that messing up was something that was going to happen, but that she should always try to learn from her mistakes and try her best to do better the next time. She said she was glad that she wasn't with us when she was five because she was BAD! I have a feeling that like any child she went through her phases of tantrums, and tough times. I told her that I thought that she was a GREAT kid now. She cried. I cried too! She said she didn't think she was a great kid at all. I asked her why? She couldn't really say. I told her that I thought she had been through, in her short life, more than most people go through in 60 years. I told her that she had to give herself a little bit of a break. I mean, she lost her Birth Mom at age 5. I reminded her that KateLin is that age now. I reminded her that she lost her Dad at 12...went to live at an orphanage, had come to America with 5 strangers. I mean, really?~!!! I don't think I'd be as good of a kid as she is having gone through all of that.

We also talked about money and belongings today. Caragan said that alot of times the teachers/nannies would take there things, money, etc and not give them back to them. I was asking her specifically about the carepackages that we sent to her. I wanted to make sure she got all the items that we sent. She did in fact get the items. She did tell me that if Mr. Ellzey (another family that was adopting) hadn't brought the items to her she wouldn't have been able to keep the MP3 player we sent to her. I think that is sad. These kids finally are getting nice things to call their own, and the teachers don't allow them to keep them. I'm finding out all sorts of details now because she is older and can remember all the things from her orphanage days. I told her that I thought she would have lots of opportunities in America that she wouldn't have had, had she stayed in China. I reminded her that she would never have her belongings taken from her, other than for restriction...and she would always eventually get them back. She keeps her most prized possessions close...and now I know why. She also takes very good care of all she does have, be it clothes, or IPOD or whatever. Family looks out for you! Having a Mom and a Dad means we won't let anyone treat you badly, or take your things. It means you will have all that you NEED. No matter what, we will always look out for YOU.

Caragan and I had lots of laughs today, and we cried and sang and danced. She knows she is loved and that she is exactly where she is supposed to be. I KNOW IT TOO. For this child I had prayed and my prayers were answered.

The Joy of Raising GirlS

My KateLin is such a girlie girl. She loves to fix hair, do nails, and dress up. For this type girl we prayed, after raising boys for 9 years...we soo wanted a girly girl. We got it too. She decided the other night that she wanted to fix my hair. Anyone that knows me knows I'm a freak about my hair. Never the less, I succumbed to her request. Moments later a masterpiece was created. Complete with bows, ponytail holders and clips...my over the top girlie girl did my hair up right. LOL. I was plum beautimoussss. I had to post pics on fb just so everyone could see her hard work. We giggled and laughed and of course we had to have a repeat offense the next night too. I mean, hair like that is really hard to come by. HA! Times like these make me really appreciate the fact that if I hadn't been sensitive to the needs of children around the world, I would have surely missed out on this GREAT blessing of a girlie girl.

We chose China because the little girls are mostly the gender that gets left to be found. They are the least desired sex. Boys are preferred because in their culture the boys take care of the parents in old age...like a social security system. Girls marry and go to live with the man's family. In our culture, it's hard to imagine this mentality. Girls and boys both are equally desired sexes. While waiting to adopt I read lots of literature about the reasons in which these kids are left to be found. The stories were horrible, about ultrasounds being done to check a childs sex as late the seventh month of pregnancy so an abortion could be performed if the child wasn't a boy. Many babies are murdered after being born, smothered in ashes for example. It sends chills to my core, and brings tears to my eyes. I am thankful every single day that KateLin's birthmother chose life for her. As hard as it would be to bundle a baby up and leave her to be found....still she chose life for her.

I will never sugar coat KateLin's beginnings with half truths or misconceptions. On nights that she is fixing my hair....I stop for moments to really marvel at how God planned her life to be so much more than her beginning started out. She is full of life and fun and giggles. Sugar and Spice and everything Nice...and even Sassy. That southern accent is outta place in her little Chinese body...but it makes her unique and Crazy and so much Fun. Y'all would really have to meet her to appreciate her personality. Of course, you could also make a hair appointment and tip the lil Princess too. WE promise to give the proceeds to another family bringing home another lil Princess this summer from China. Our travel mates (for Caragan's adoption) are adopting again....another E. They will add Eliza Kate prayerfully this summer. They already have Enick and Elijah that they adopted when we adopted Caragan...and Emili Su that they adopted just a year prior. Eliza Kate will be their seventh child. We are really excited for them and can't wait to follow their journey back to China. Pssst...don't tell!! but we got a glimpse and she's gorgeous....fingers and toes crossed that all processes go quick!!

Counting My Blessings....One, Two, Three, Four

I had some time to catch up on reading some of favorite adoption blogs this morning. It used to my favorite pasttime while waiting for KateLin and Caragan. It became a hobby, sharing in the joys as well as the tribulations that other families were going through, while raising many kids. It always amaZes me though, the common thread that binds us together. The fact that we chose to adopt. Today, I needed a reminder of how far we've come and how God's hand has always been in it...every step of the way. I truly believe that we are all placed in one another's lives for a specific plan or purpose. Sometimes that plan or purpose is really evident, right off the bat, sometimes it takes years to really discover...WHY?

Raising four certainly has it's challenges day to day. Dealing with teenagers is never dull, for sure. LOL. Dealing with an adopted teenager that is finally starting to trust her surroundings enough to test you, is another issue altogether. It's refreshing knowing she's getting that comfortable here. I can honestly say that...for every hardship there's an equal blessing. I realize daily that life would not be near as sweet without all four of my kids. Each brings excitement, triumphs, joy and happiness to my life. I am thankful for the winding road that lead me to China twice...because I know that that was exactly the path that God would have us take. Life truly isn't about us...it's about helping others, making a difference in other's lives that we have the ability to touch. It's in raising two sweet boys and two sweet girls. I will never be a RICH individual if you check my bank account, but my cup runneth over with love and happiness because of my four kiddos. That is far greater than any amount of money I could ever possibly possess.

ScareD

Caragan had to sign up for her High School classes this week. Hard to believe I will have a child in High School next year, but I will. She was terrified at the thought of changing schools. It seemed a little crazy to me. This child has been through so much in her short life. I mean, think about it...she was in dance school which was like a boarding school where she went for weeks at the time and lived there. It was a rigorous curriculum from what we know. She moved to America with these 5 strangers, not really knowing fully what was in store. She did all this out of choice...although some days I wonder if it was really a choice as much as she felt a necessity for survival. She honestly thought she'd never get to speak to her family there again...her biological aunt, and cousin. All she had was a Moma, on adoption day that kept telling her "it's going to be okay" as tears streamed down her face while we walked away from the life she had known. I think looking back, she had to be devastated to get on that plane to leave China...because I know how scared she is of new things now. So, YES, my child that has been through all of this and managed to still be happy is terrified of High School. She can't tell me exactly why...other than it's a change. I guess we all begin to trust in environments that are consistently the same. This environment is going to be different. I tried to explain that it will be more freedom and more activities that will be fun. I guess even freedom can be scary if you used to NONE. I think she's scared of making mistakes....because she was used to NO TOLERANCE. Break a vase and the world seems to come crashing down around you. Oh My Goodness, if anyone knows me at all, I am very, extremely tolerant of accidents. She's not used to that. I wouldn't want to try new things either if I was scared that my world would come crashing down around me if I didn't always perform perfectly every time. I am working on making her understand that it's okay to be scared of new things, but it's not okay just not to face whatever is in store because of being scared. It's also okay to make mistakes, but the important thing is we have to grow and learn from the mistakes we make. We are growing together and I am so thankful this child had a great foundation to build on. She is a great kid, and I love her so much.

EXchange Student

My family looks different. We are biracial...and transcultural. Those are just two dollar words for my daughters are Asian and me and Lance are Caucasian. We belong to different races as well as originate from different cultures. My girls automatically stand out because they 'look' different. We are a conspicuous family. We get looks alot. That is an understatement. We get stares...and smiles and even lots of questions. The most recent question, completely innocent, of course was the other nite in a restaurant. The question was directed toward Caragan as she was trying to order her own supper. The person ask....if she was an exchange student. I just smiled as always and said NOPE...she's our's...just like the other three...I have 'papers' on her too. It was a legitimate question, but I had to laugh at the assumption. We often get "is she really your's"...and I always have a fast comeback prepared for that one too. As I touch one of the girls...I always say they are REAL...and I know I am....and I have proof at home that I'm the Moma...so yep, they are really mine!!! It is okay, really. I don't get offended by the inquiries at all. We actually had to take online classes to prepare for such. Believe it or not...our agency wanted us to know full well what type of questions, assumptions and even ignorance that we would encounter before we adopted our girls. I have to say this part of the process was a really good thing.

The little Things

Yesterday, my eldest son, Logan made a special request to his Dad while at Wal-mart to buy me some Haagen Dazs ice cream. It was completely his idea. He knows how much I love this brand of ice cream. The thought was totally sweet and caring...sooo thoughtful. I have to say....ESPECIALLY from Logan. I am not saying bad things about this child...he just usually is not the most compassionate of my four. He doesn't show random acts of kindness that come ol' so naturally to Christian. I try not to compare my boys or my girls...but I can't help but notice the differences in their personalities. It doesn't make either better than the other...just different. Christian....even at age three would go inside while we were outside putting up the pool and get himself a juice box....and manage to figure out a way to bring everyone else one back too. He is constantly being thoughtful and considerate. He never has to be reminded to go the extra mile to help other's and to just be kind. He is affectionate and loves to have affection. Logan is affectionate too, of course...he can't help to be with a Moma that lavishes him with kisses regularly. I always joke with them all about...come here and let me kiss your little lips. So much so that ...they sometimes run. LOL.

I watch Caragan who has none of the formative 'training' from our family, and she has that thoughtful side too. The little things can make a day so much brighter. Saying please and thank you and being kind will go so very far. She posted under my facebook status the other day: We love you Mommy! ~Wow!! That melted my heart.

Then today, Logan asked me what I was going to do for him since he was so nice to buy me ice cream yesterday. I looked at him and said, Son, is that really why you bought me ice cream...so that I would do something for you? He smile and said....NO, not really. I told him that alot of people are like that though. I told him to never do some random act of kindness for another 'just because you wanted something in return'. He said, Yeah, Mom...I know, but it would be cool if you wanted to. LOL. That would be my Logan. CraZy boy!! Many times what we do for other's isn't truly appreciated. We often take things that other's do for us forgranted. We forget to say Thanks, we forget to say I loved it....we forget to appreciate little things that truly bring us joy and happiness. I usually try to say Thank You ...but I can always do better. If someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you, you should always say Thank You. Just sayin! I am trying to teach my kids these little things that truly will bless a life. To me helping others is not optional....if you have been blessed to have a friend or family member, you should help them if at all possible, when they need you. If there's a stranger that you can help, you should do that to. I really believe we are the hands and feet of God, and we were created to help other's.