ScareD

Caragan had to sign up for her High School classes this week. Hard to believe I will have a child in High School next year, but I will. She was terrified at the thought of changing schools. It seemed a little crazy to me. This child has been through so much in her short life. I mean, think about it...she was in dance school which was like a boarding school where she went for weeks at the time and lived there. It was a rigorous curriculum from what we know. She moved to America with these 5 strangers, not really knowing fully what was in store. She did all this out of choice...although some days I wonder if it was really a choice as much as she felt a necessity for survival. She honestly thought she'd never get to speak to her family there again...her biological aunt, and cousin. All she had was a Moma, on adoption day that kept telling her "it's going to be okay" as tears streamed down her face while we walked away from the life she had known. I think looking back, she had to be devastated to get on that plane to leave China...because I know how scared she is of new things now. So, YES, my child that has been through all of this and managed to still be happy is terrified of High School. She can't tell me exactly why...other than it's a change. I guess we all begin to trust in environments that are consistently the same. This environment is going to be different. I tried to explain that it will be more freedom and more activities that will be fun. I guess even freedom can be scary if you used to NONE. I think she's scared of making mistakes....because she was used to NO TOLERANCE. Break a vase and the world seems to come crashing down around you. Oh My Goodness, if anyone knows me at all, I am very, extremely tolerant of accidents. She's not used to that. I wouldn't want to try new things either if I was scared that my world would come crashing down around me if I didn't always perform perfectly every time. I am working on making her understand that it's okay to be scared of new things, but it's not okay just not to face whatever is in store because of being scared. It's also okay to make mistakes, but the important thing is we have to grow and learn from the mistakes we make. We are growing together and I am so thankful this child had a great foundation to build on. She is a great kid, and I love her so much.