Just Breathe ~! Ahhhhhh!

I think the hardest part of the human psyche is training ourselves to think about all the positive in our lives instead of all the negative we have had to endure. I haven't had a bad life....I know this, so maybe I can't really say how I'd feel if I had had to deal with lots of tragic loss of life, or even property. I do know that thinking positive is a choice. We can change our attitude by a simple...I am gonna make myself believe that there is good in every bad situation. Like it or not, our experiences mold us. They change us...sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse. Growth isn't really optional...it just happens. If I think about the good changes rather than the bad, suddenly a bad situation doesn't cause me to have a bad day, week or ever year. I can be happy even if it's only a lil happiness amongst the pain.

I'm really frustrated today. I have had a bad day, so blogging is like therapy for me. I don't get it!! People that think about and dwell on all the bad day in and day out. They forget to breathe...yeah simply take a deep breathe and remember that breathe alone was a blessing because the other option would be for me to be dead. I am a girl with her glass half full, not half empty. I force myself to find happiness in the bleakest of situations. I want to be remembered as being fun, happy, being full of laughter and knowing how to have a good time thru my hard times. Negativity won't allow for that, it robs us of our sunshine. UGH!! My life without sunshine, wouldn't be much of a life to me. My quality of life is directly proportional to my sunshine. HA! It would be dull without the sunshine. I choose sunshine over the darkness anytime. I will look for the light when I am in the darkness...it's there always (the silver lining), I just have to choose to look for it. Sometimes I will have to look harder and really search for it.

I'm gonna take a deeeeeep breath and remember and feel the SUNSHINE. Tomorrow is a new day with great possibilities...but today isn't over yet either. :)

Simply Loved

It's Mother's Day! I feel like I have been given the greatest four gifts on earth, of course...as most Mother's do feel that way about their babies. I guess most would also think, I was given two different types of blessings because I have adopted twice. Ya see, one other Moma had to give up her baby so that I could be blessed with my KateLin. With Caragan, her Moma died of eye cancer and she lost her life so that I might have her precious daughter. These two blessings weren't born of my womb, but of my heart. To me, although they came to live in my love in a different fashion, they are no less my very own. My sons are flesh of my flesh. I tell each of them that my love grew from Logan. He taught me about what it was like to care for and love another human being, because I loved him so much, I wanted to love another...my Christian. Because I was blessed times two with boys, I wanted a precious little girl. KateLin's orphanage visit yielded yet another blessing that took us back to China for our Caragan. I watch them and I am amaZed at the blessings that have been poured out upon me. I see how each of them act silly and crazy, like me...truly love life and laughter. I giggled as KateLin playing air guitar during praise and worship this morning at church and as she sang into her sucker microphone. This is my child...she knows how to have fun and I hope she will always have that zest for a very happy, happy life.

Yesterday, I took my two oldest, Logan and Caragan to the movies and shopping at the mall. We watched Prom, although not without resistance from Logan. LOL. At the end of the movie, Logan announced loudly, I am sooo glad that that torture is over. The girls in front of us, just kackled at my crazy boy that really has my sense of humor. Caragan and I had a few moments yesterday where I had the opportunity to remind her that I was so glad that she wanted to be adopted, even though she had biological family still in China. I reminded her that she is loved unconditionally and that I am so blessed to have her in my life. The radio was talking about Mother's Day and what spawned the conversation was that they asked how much you loved your Moma....she said "LOTs". I smiled with tears in my eyes. Christian lavished me with an early gift that he bought all on his own last week at the Relay for Life event. He bought me a vase of flowers. He is my thoughtful child. They all are, but this child has such compassion and such a heart for other's that his sweetness really amazes me. All these little things, make me feel...to put it simply...loved. I am a better person, because these four kiddos are in my life...that I am allowed to love them, and raise them.

As they woke me up this morning and crowded in my bedroom and spent ten priceless minutes with me...I kept thinking...can I freeze this moment? Can I hold it in my head even though I know it's fleeting? I kissed them all, opened my presents.....but the greatest gift of all was just having them close, healthy, at home and that I felt their love. I got some cool cards and presents, some store bought and some homemade....the most precious gift I have ever been given though were these four little souls that I get to adore, love and cherish...all my life.

I can't post this without mentioning the lady that made all this happen...My MOMMY! She was the one that loved me and showed me how. She was the perfect example of compassion, kindness, caring...and affection. She blessed me by loving me selflessly and unconditionally. I love me some ELAINE RHYNE. :)

Should've Been Mine

Little things tell me that Caragan finally feels at home with her life here with us. I think the bonding and attachment is complete. Some people in the adoption community will tell you with older child adoption that sometimes bonding never fully happens and attachment is never complete. I can say for sure, she loves us, we love her...and we all benefit from our family unit. She is thriving, she trusts, which is HUGE ..in and of, itself. Caragan knows we will take care of her needs and most of her wants. She is spoiled, and I think she even realizes how fortunate she is to have lots of the things she wants. I never expected her to appreciate us...but I think she does. The way I know, you might ask? I know because a few days ago, she said, Moma...I should have been your's since birth. She made my heart soar. This beautiful young lady is so much like me, it is very apparent that she was meant to be mine. She loves music, is full of happiness, likes lots of the same foods as I do, loves her hair, she is silly and fun...and the list goes on. She even gets quiet when she isn't feelin the best or is down about something. Yep, I can admit it...she has some of my ODD qualities as well. She is quick to help other's.

Truth is that, she should've been mine from the beginning...but that's not the plan that God had for her life. I told her so when she said that to me. I told her, all the hard times she had to endure in China, made her who she is today. I don't know why she had to lose her parents in death, but God had a much bigger plan for her life. I told her it might have been to help another child, teenager or an adult get through what she has had to endure. You never know how He will use you in someone else's life. I do wish I could have sheltered her from all the bad things. It brings tears to my eyes to know she lost both parents by age 12. She still talks to her Aunt often and we are getting a care package together to send to her soon also. I want to make her a photobook for her to keep of Caragan. I am very thankful that she still has relatives in China. We consider her Aunt, part of our family as well.

I haven't blogged in a while. Tsk! Tsk!! Life gets busy and I just don't take the time to record it all. I need to do better...I know!