Nightmares

I have always been the eternal optimistic, trying to find sliver linings in the worst of situations. I guess, I try my best to be HOPEFUL and not Hopeless. With that said, I chose to look at the positive side of several nightmares that Caragan has had over the last few months.

We bought puppies for the kids back in July and all of them were smitten with them from day one. I surprised them with two Chihuahuas. They are cute and love to be held and played with...the perfect indoor pet for four kids. They named them Percy and Jackson (yes, after the movie...the Last Olympians...LOL). Caragan had really, really wanted one of my Dad's Dog's back in the winter, but I have always been adamant about not having a house dog. Anyone that knows me, knows that well. I used to be a neat freak...prior to four kids. HA! Not anymore!! It is impossible...and I know this well. But still, I was reluctant because I already have to clean up after 5 other people. Caragan would love and play with Tracker (my Dad's dog) every single time we would go to their house. She kept telling me she had had a small dog when she lived in China with her Birth Father. She is terrified of big dogs, because she had been bitten when she was little. Caragan chose the white puppy when she and KateLin went with me to pick them up. From that moment on...she has been completely smitten with 'her baby', as she calls it. I have heard about and seen how animals can be therapy for a weary soul. Jackson has definitely been that for Caragan. She knows I caved on what I would normally do for her...and the other kids. They all wanted little puppies.

About a month after we got the puppies, Caragan had a bad dream and woke up wanting to cry. She wouldn't talk about it much at first, but eventually we kept probing until we got the details out of her. She dreamed that we sent her back to China to live in the orphanage, but we let her take both puppies with her. Wait...it gets more heartwrenching....she got readopted, but the family wouldn't let her take the puppies with her. She really loves her puppies, especially Jackson, so she was really upset when she woke up. Of course, we explained to her that she will never be sent back to China and that the puppies are her's and she won't lose them either...not that way.

A couple of night's ago, Caragan had another nightmare...this time she woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. She dreamed that she did something really bad, and she was sent to jail. In her dream, the authorities sent her back to China and we (me & Lance) couldn't stop them. I went into her room that morning and asked her if she slept good, as I often do. I could tell she was already awake. She was crying and said NO, she had a really bad dream. It shook her enough that she wouldn't talk about it for a few hours afterwards. All she kept saying was, it was CRAZY. Once we knew the dream, we completely agreed. Caragan reached for me though and I held her for a while. I don't get that often, with her...!

Considering these were nightmares, that is a really good thing (my silver lining version here). She likes it here, loves her family and even her puppies and does NOT want to go back to China. Obviously she is attached to all the changes that have come about in her life over the past 9 months. She loves her new family and doesn't want to lose that ever, clearly. Attachment in older children that are adopted is much harder than attachment in a toddler, because you don't get the one on one interaction with them through their daily needs. You don't get to constantly be the caregiver in meeting their needs like with feeding time and diapering, etc...that helps with bonding and thus attachment. We bond over trips to the waterpark, and music and even long chats (now that she knows more English). We talk to all of our kids alot, alot! She is no different. We tend to explain ourselves thouroughly when we discipline and she knows exactly why she gets punished should she ever need to be. She is a great kid, but she learned about restriction early on. :)) Caragan was helping her Daddy in the kitchen the other night and told him, she never knew why she got spankings as a small child. She knew she was being punished, severely I might add, but had no idea why really. She brought up that we talk to her, and that she likes that communication.

I do love my CRAZY, fun...loving girl! She is a priceless treasure and my life would not be complete without her, just like with all four of my kids. I'm so blessed to be a Mommy times 4!! My cup runneth over! :))))

P.S. Caragan and KateLin both like watermelon in their chocolate ice cream. CRAZY, HUH?? lol.