I wish I could tell you that the call to adopt has always been EASY. It hasn't!! From the start I often thought....surely I heard God wrong. Did He really trust me to go all the way to China to be a parent to not one but two girls? Here, we are doing it...raising four healthy thriving kids when I originally thought...there's NO Way!! Four kids after all is just INSANE.
Day to day gets sticky sometimes...busy, busy. Dealing with two teenagers and all the angst that comes with hormones and attitudes can be testing. Add adoption behaviors and running thin on patience, energy, time and sometimes even funds...and life can get out of control.
Tomorrow, my baby girl turns 7 though, and suddenly all the chaos melts into...I wouldn't trade one crazy moment for silence, calm or solitude for anything in the world. This is living, even in fast forward, touch and go style...it's still LIVING. LIVING the life He chose for us. The life that HE made a way for when I thought THERE'S NO WAY. I rest in knowing...this was HIS plan for her and me. So thankful, even when I thought there couldn't possibly be a way, HE MADE A WAY!!
7.06.2012
10.18.2011
Help Her Believe
On Sunday, I went by a RedBox** Kiosk and chose a few movies. I picked movies that just seemed to interest me. The first movie was Blue Crush 2, a movie about young girls surfing. Little did I know that the movie would mirror Caragan's life. The young girl, around 18, had lost her Mom to cancer at age 5. Caragan and I cried watching it together as the girl went to her Mom's homeland to visit all the best surfing beaches her Mom wanted to take her to as she was growing up. Her Mom passed away before they got to visit them together. As destiny (because you would never make me believe otherwise) would have it, the second movie was Mao's Last Dance. The Chinese boy was chosen to goto to dance school. WoW! Caragan was also chosen from her orphanage to goto dance school too. The little boy hated it and would cry himself to sleep. Caragan hated dance school too and even ran away at one point. That last point is really scary to me, and a whole other blog in itself. YIKES!! SCARY!! SCARY!! The boy grows up and comes to America to dance, struggles with knowing English and learning western ways. The movies was a big reminder of where we have been together and how far we have come in the last two years (almost).
This beautiful young daughter of mine has already 'lived' more in her short life than many of us will ever live in our whole lives. She was reminded of her biological parents loss with the death of her great grandmother recently. As she broke down at the graveside...although I know she loved her grandmother so much...I knew that as she sobbed against her Uncle Rob that she was grieving her bio MOM and DAD's deaths as well. She has a support system now, which helps her tremendously to work through it. We had many opportunities to talk about the deaths of her bio parents through the funeral process. I was so proud of Caragan as she took charge and asked to paint MaMa Ber's fingernails. She proudly announced...'that's my job'. She is such a perfectionist, we knew she'd do it well. She did too!! How many young girls would touch a dead person or even want to do such a last gesture for a Grandmother that she only knew a short time? MaMa Ber loved her like she did us all, of course. My DAUGHTER did that, and I couldn't think of any way she could honor her memory better. I hope she will always have such a heart for other's. This child of mine is such an amazing, compassionate soul. She is hard on herself and I strive to help her see all the good in herself.
Lately, we are bogged down in her high school studies...and honestly she doesn't know how she will make it. She is very sure she will not pass her year end test to pass her grade. She is a wiz in Math, but struggles in studying because she never HAD to do homework or study in China. I can't help but think that's because girls' education isn't valued at all there. We are trying hard to help her develop good study habits. When I say hard, I mean she and her Daddy are spending hours upon hours in the evenings to do one subject lots of times...so that she can begin to grasp all the English she needs to learn the material. Sometimes all those efforts still means she doesn't make the mark. It's really disheartening to her to try so hard, spend so much time in preparation and to still not do well. Of course, her Dad and I believe in her and KNOW that if the material was in Chinese, she would pass the tests with ease. That's not exactly an option though. We are exploring some options, ways to translate in the classroom and also textbooks in Chinese. We will do whatever it takes to help our daughter succeed and goto college. Getting her to believe in herself and remember how very far she's already come is another story altogether. I wouldn't be as far along if you had sent me to China...I can assure you.
8.26.2011
Lions and Tigers and BULLieS, O MY!
Some might think encounters with Bullies is just a matter of LIFE. I try to stress to my kids that it's never okay to hurt another person, much less with just plain malicious intent for no apparent reason. I want to raise empathetic kids that don't prey on others to build themselves up. That's my job as a parent to make them realize they always need to be self aware and do their own internal checks before they go analyzing others.
Caragan started High School last week. She was nervous...new school...AGAIN...still dealing with a language barrier. Her English is GOOD. I say this with great pride because I know that if I had been handed her same fate and been placed with a family in China...to learn a new language, totally submersed without a constant translator...I wouldn't be where she is today. Just Saying!! She has done phenomenally. She reads on about a 4th grade level, has completed three levels of Rosetta Stone. She is expected to do College Preparatory work on a 9th grade level. Her PARENTS....yep that's ME and Lance...have high expectations of all our kids when it comes to academics. We try to make them realize that college isn't really optional. Shhhh!! don't tell please. LOL We often tell them, we give you minimal chores to do daily because it's your job to goto school so that you might get a good education. A good education will hopefully help them get the jobs they need to have financial stability in the future. Of course, we want them all to have Good Lives. However, Caragan's task will be harder than all the others. Logan, Christian and KateLin all had the advantage of English as their primary language and they will struggle in different areas of academics, granted...but My Caragan will struggle with everything except Math. The number system is exactly the same as China. Even in Math though, she still has to know how to read the English to do word problems. I braced Caragan for the task ahead of her. I kept telling her that we support her, continue to pay for her to have 3 hours of tutoring a week, but the thing we needed from her was communication when she needed HELP. Guess what?? For a child that wasn't born of my womb, she couldn't be more like me. She has a really, really, really HARD TIME asking for help. It doesn't matter how many times I say it....how many times I offer my hand...she has a rough time reaching back for it. That's a problem...because there's no way that she can do this alone. I don't want her to have to do this alone. What's the point in having a family at all if that's not your primary support system? Just saying.
I gave her the speech before school started about asking for help when she needed it. I told her how important it will be for her to get good grades because now they actually count for college. I told her that no matter what, as long as we know she did her best that we wouldn't punish her for bad grades. We want to be fair. HOWEVER, the moment we KNEW she wasn't doing her best, she would be punished with restriction etc as customary for disciplining any of our kids. We have already had issues with her not asking for help, failing a test, and it was one we know she could have studied for and made a 100. Now, it's time for some creative parenting. Did I mention that she has the LaZy gene? Now that she didn't get from her over achiever Moma. LOL. She will admit she is lazy. Of course, any kid is gonna test you and do as little as possible when it comes to school work or chores. She is no different. The positive side of that is she is comfortable enough in her environment at home to know that she can test it. That isn't a bad thing. That alone means she is attached and settled.
My point is that we are dealing with alot here. A new school, new challenges, still learning English and trying to get her on grade level in Reading and Writing. Now let's add a social pressure of some punk kid moving books several times in a day...to be ugly and arguing with her when she returns the favor. This Moma ain't standing for it. Luckily Caragan wasn't either and defended herself. The situation has dissipated...for the time being anyways. Bullying is one of my pet peeves. I was bullied on the school bus as a small child...it leaves an impression. I won't stand for my kids bullying and I will not stand for another child bullying my child. Parents should spend enough time with their kids to cultivate children that are empathetic and conscientious about other's enough to respect themselves and those they encounter.
Needless to say we have had a stressful start to the school year. The kids are settling in well to the back to school routine. Summer is over and hustle and bustle of homework and studying is back on our plates. Logan is my seventh grader, and like always moves through academics with ease. Caragan says he's not normal. LOL He is a lil crazy sometimes. Those two have definitely been closer this summer. Logan started chasing the scent of the ladies...so now he and Caragan suddenly can relate. HA! When asked about trading brothers with a friend recently...joking of course, but still....she said NO!! I wanna keep them. I thought that spoke volumes for her attachment to them. I had the opportunity to let her know that all three of her siblings prayed for her nightly while waiting for her to come home when she was still in China. They very much wanted a sister. Not every family is suited for adopting an older child or even children out of birth order....I know this. But it has worked and continues to work for our family. I can see God's Sovereignty at every turn. It's overwhelming sometimes actually, seeing his hand in this whole process. WE saw it in China...but we still see it in the little things day to day. This girl that our agency called HOPE was perfectly paired with our family.
I can remember my lack of Faith at the beginning of this process. I asked God repeatedly, are you sure that you have designed me for this purpose?? I wasn't so certain that I could pull it off. It truly only takes a lil Faith (the size of a mustard seed, actually) to believe that it can and will happen just like it's supposed to. More and more I get a glimpse of God's perfect plan and realize that i really only see the little stuff. He knows the greater purpose and the plan. It brings me comfort and maybe even fuels my Faith, because I have been blessed enough to actually be able to SEE Him at work. My prayer for other's is that you might experience this same type of journey. I honestly never thought that I could be changed so much by the Miracle of Adoption. It truly is a MIRACLE. Lucky me, I get to check...Experience a Miracle ...off my bucket list. Blessed me, I got to experience TWO!!
Caragan started High School last week. She was nervous...new school...AGAIN...still dealing with a language barrier. Her English is GOOD. I say this with great pride because I know that if I had been handed her same fate and been placed with a family in China...to learn a new language, totally submersed without a constant translator...I wouldn't be where she is today. Just Saying!! She has done phenomenally. She reads on about a 4th grade level, has completed three levels of Rosetta Stone. She is expected to do College Preparatory work on a 9th grade level. Her PARENTS....yep that's ME and Lance...have high expectations of all our kids when it comes to academics. We try to make them realize that college isn't really optional. Shhhh!! don't tell please. LOL We often tell them, we give you minimal chores to do daily because it's your job to goto school so that you might get a good education. A good education will hopefully help them get the jobs they need to have financial stability in the future. Of course, we want them all to have Good Lives. However, Caragan's task will be harder than all the others. Logan, Christian and KateLin all had the advantage of English as their primary language and they will struggle in different areas of academics, granted...but My Caragan will struggle with everything except Math. The number system is exactly the same as China. Even in Math though, she still has to know how to read the English to do word problems. I braced Caragan for the task ahead of her. I kept telling her that we support her, continue to pay for her to have 3 hours of tutoring a week, but the thing we needed from her was communication when she needed HELP. Guess what?? For a child that wasn't born of my womb, she couldn't be more like me. She has a really, really, really HARD TIME asking for help. It doesn't matter how many times I say it....how many times I offer my hand...she has a rough time reaching back for it. That's a problem...because there's no way that she can do this alone. I don't want her to have to do this alone. What's the point in having a family at all if that's not your primary support system? Just saying.
I gave her the speech before school started about asking for help when she needed it. I told her how important it will be for her to get good grades because now they actually count for college. I told her that no matter what, as long as we know she did her best that we wouldn't punish her for bad grades. We want to be fair. HOWEVER, the moment we KNEW she wasn't doing her best, she would be punished with restriction etc as customary for disciplining any of our kids. We have already had issues with her not asking for help, failing a test, and it was one we know she could have studied for and made a 100. Now, it's time for some creative parenting. Did I mention that she has the LaZy gene? Now that she didn't get from her over achiever Moma. LOL. She will admit she is lazy. Of course, any kid is gonna test you and do as little as possible when it comes to school work or chores. She is no different. The positive side of that is she is comfortable enough in her environment at home to know that she can test it. That isn't a bad thing. That alone means she is attached and settled.
My point is that we are dealing with alot here. A new school, new challenges, still learning English and trying to get her on grade level in Reading and Writing. Now let's add a social pressure of some punk kid moving books several times in a day...to be ugly and arguing with her when she returns the favor. This Moma ain't standing for it. Luckily Caragan wasn't either and defended herself. The situation has dissipated...for the time being anyways. Bullying is one of my pet peeves. I was bullied on the school bus as a small child...it leaves an impression. I won't stand for my kids bullying and I will not stand for another child bullying my child. Parents should spend enough time with their kids to cultivate children that are empathetic and conscientious about other's enough to respect themselves and those they encounter.
Needless to say we have had a stressful start to the school year. The kids are settling in well to the back to school routine. Summer is over and hustle and bustle of homework and studying is back on our plates. Logan is my seventh grader, and like always moves through academics with ease. Caragan says he's not normal. LOL He is a lil crazy sometimes. Those two have definitely been closer this summer. Logan started chasing the scent of the ladies...so now he and Caragan suddenly can relate. HA! When asked about trading brothers with a friend recently...joking of course, but still....she said NO!! I wanna keep them. I thought that spoke volumes for her attachment to them. I had the opportunity to let her know that all three of her siblings prayed for her nightly while waiting for her to come home when she was still in China. They very much wanted a sister. Not every family is suited for adopting an older child or even children out of birth order....I know this. But it has worked and continues to work for our family. I can see God's Sovereignty at every turn. It's overwhelming sometimes actually, seeing his hand in this whole process. WE saw it in China...but we still see it in the little things day to day. This girl that our agency called HOPE was perfectly paired with our family.
I can remember my lack of Faith at the beginning of this process. I asked God repeatedly, are you sure that you have designed me for this purpose?? I wasn't so certain that I could pull it off. It truly only takes a lil Faith (the size of a mustard seed, actually) to believe that it can and will happen just like it's supposed to. More and more I get a glimpse of God's perfect plan and realize that i really only see the little stuff. He knows the greater purpose and the plan. It brings me comfort and maybe even fuels my Faith, because I have been blessed enough to actually be able to SEE Him at work. My prayer for other's is that you might experience this same type of journey. I honestly never thought that I could be changed so much by the Miracle of Adoption. It truly is a MIRACLE. Lucky me, I get to check...Experience a Miracle ...off my bucket list. Blessed me, I got to experience TWO!!
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