I have been questioning Caragan over the last week about different aspects of her life in China. She had begun to mention different things to prompt this but also another Mom that adopted questioned several things one of her son's mentioned to her. I specifically asked Caragan and how she was punished while she resided in the orphanage. She said one time that she was placed in a room, and as she described it, I actually got sick on my stomach. She was put in a room with no furniture....no bed, no chairs etc. The room had padded walls and no windows. It was an empty room. The door had a small window. The pads on the walls were blue. The way she described it, seemed alot like a solitary confinement room to me. She was being punished for listening to a little radio she had purchased during school. She wasn't caught listening to the radio, a friend told on her. She was placed in the room for two hours. Seemed like a rather harsh punishment to me for a young teenager. She told me it was hard to be 'good' in China. That she was considered a bad girl. I asked her what she did that made her 'bad'. I asked did she fight, or lie, or cheat or steal. She said NO!! nothing like that. I asked her if she thought that they considered her bad because they expected her to be perfect at any and everything. She said Yes. I told her that was a high expectation to have to live up to. I told her it was impossible. I told her that we believe in tolerance. Making mistakes is how we learn and grow and become better people. I told her that messing up was something that was going to happen, but that she should always try to learn from her mistakes and try her best to do better the next time. She said she was glad that she wasn't with us when she was five because she was BAD! I have a feeling that like any child she went through her phases of tantrums, and tough times. I told her that I thought that she was a GREAT kid now. She cried. I cried too! She said she didn't think she was a great kid at all. I asked her why? She couldn't really say. I told her that I thought she had been through, in her short life, more than most people go through in 60 years. I told her that she had to give herself a little bit of a break. I mean, she lost her Birth Mom at age 5. I reminded her that KateLin is that age now. I reminded her that she lost her Dad at 12...went to live at an orphanage, had come to America with 5 strangers. I mean, really?~!!! I don't think I'd be as good of a kid as she is having gone through all of that.
We also talked about money and belongings today. Caragan said that alot of times the teachers/nannies would take there things, money, etc and not give them back to them. I was asking her specifically about the carepackages that we sent to her. I wanted to make sure she got all the items that we sent. She did in fact get the items. She did tell me that if Mr. Ellzey (another family that was adopting) hadn't brought the items to her she wouldn't have been able to keep the MP3 player we sent to her. I think that is sad. These kids finally are getting nice things to call their own, and the teachers don't allow them to keep them. I'm finding out all sorts of details now because she is older and can remember all the things from her orphanage days. I told her that I thought she would have lots of opportunities in America that she wouldn't have had, had she stayed in China. I reminded her that she would never have her belongings taken from her, other than for restriction...and she would always eventually get them back. She keeps her most prized possessions close...and now I know why. She also takes very good care of all she does have, be it clothes, or IPOD or whatever. Family looks out for you! Having a Mom and a Dad means we won't let anyone treat you badly, or take your things. It means you will have all that you NEED. No matter what, we will always look out for YOU.
Caragan and I had lots of laughs today, and we cried and sang and danced. She knows she is loved and that she is exactly where she is supposed to be. I KNOW IT TOO. For this child I had prayed and my prayers were answered.
